I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
