I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
love makes seman taste better
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize