You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
