just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
