Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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