she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
