It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
