Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
