my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
