my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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