Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
