in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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