i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
