I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
