if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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