I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
