Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
