How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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