Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
