Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
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