im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
