I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
