you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
