pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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