Why are handjobs necessary in class?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
