At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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