Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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