Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
