oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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