Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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