Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
