I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
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This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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