Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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