I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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