It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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