Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
