well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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