Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think i peed on brittanys purse
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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