You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
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I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
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When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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