On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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