My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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