ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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