yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize