What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
No subtext here. People are naked.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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