So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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