I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
