he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
