I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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