The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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