She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
