I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
