I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
