I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
