Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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