just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
