You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
