the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
