Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
My vagina just recognized that song.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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