All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
