i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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