so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
