I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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